I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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