I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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