Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
