you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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