How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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