why didn't you poke me back
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
