Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
