Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
