You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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