The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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