We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
