the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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