Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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