**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
