Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
