Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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