hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
