I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
