I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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