You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
