How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
