I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
