I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
