Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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