I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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