I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
