All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My bed is full of blood and feathers
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
