We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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