I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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