How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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