i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We have so much sex to catch up on
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
