I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
