I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
