I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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