i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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