I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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