wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
