I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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