If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
