he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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