My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
