Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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