I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
worst night to have a conscience
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you never un-have a 4some
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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