i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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