I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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