I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
