I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
