If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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