Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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