Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
