do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Vodka?
Forever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
