This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize