he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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