Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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