I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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