Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
