I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
