so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
