ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
