Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
