More tranny stories later!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
