Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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