Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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