saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize