Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
