Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
