He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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