if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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